Last Orders

by Calvinball

supported by
Craig thumbnail
Craig We miss Calvinball. Crazy unique punk that sometimes makes you wonder why you're still listening but always keeps you coming back. Favorite track: Queen Elizardbirth II.
Maurice Tse-Leon
Maurice Tse-Leon thumbnail
Maurice Tse-Leon A really nice melting pot of all the best bits of pop punk, add a slice of Northern depressivness for good measure. Favorite track: No More Half Measures.
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

      £5.50 GBP  or more




We still have some physical records left. If you want a 12", just email conor[DOT]mackie[AT]hotmail[DOT]co[DOT]uk before downloading this and we'll sort it.
This is our first, and last, album.

It was written and recorded in 8 days at the end of June, four days writing in Dave and Lucy's tiny flat in Manchester, then 4 days recording with the most patient man in the world, Chris Walker, at Rec and Play in Sheffield.

Thanks to everyone who has ever helped us out in any way. You've all been far too kind, seriously.

Big up Wakey Ste of Stop That Astronaut/Pudge/Pawshaker fame and Iain and Si of Kimmy Yeah/Actionier notoriety for harmonising the shit out of the gang vocals and making us sound good.

The most thanks in the world, ever, to Chris. We couldn't have done it without you. You're the best.

All artwork done by our boy Joe, find his other stuff here. He's dead good:


released September 1, 2013



all rights reserved
Track Name: Queen Elizardbirth II
Every night I fall asleep to some mad bastard telling me about the cover-ups and lies, what's really in the skies and how we're being monitored by giant lizard spies. If I were you I'd stick to The News. I've lost my mind, but it's my mind to lose. Do you believe in flying saucers? Or that no-one's watching over us? The truth's already out there, I saw it on TV and I know of no good reason not to trust the BBC or ITV or News International. They all seem like honest people, there's no hidden agenda, we're all free and equal.
Track Name: The Lost City Of Atlanta
CM Punk is right, what am I doing with my life? If I ever wake up feeling this shitty again I'll fucking cry. I threw up in the sink while you were shot-gunning to Blink. I think I browned out, I don't know much, but I know it's Joe that stinks. We spent nine hours on the 85 and I'm not sure we made it there alive. If I ever see this town again, it better be with my best friends. It's happening again, I just want to hang out with my friends. But now I want to die, we drank our whole supply and we smoked until the end. When does this party stop? I think I've had about enough. My insides hurt, I've got a half soaked shirt, self-control is tough. She said “I could ring some friends and try and fill this room out” We said “fuck off, let's not pretend, we'll just hang out with ourselves tonight”
Track Name: Season 4, Episode 20
Hey man, take a look in my eyes, you know what happened tonight. The cans are empty, the bottles are dry, I'm not doing alright. I'm on the beach with the sea round my shoes, my heart's beating a familiar tune. Four years later so it's no surprise, I'm not doing alright. We've all had our own Pacey Witter moment. I don't want to wait for our lives to be over. Hey man, take a look at my face we all know what I did yesterday, sweaty eyes and my mouth is all dry, I'm not doing alright. I need to go home 'cause I need my bed. Find me my wallet, my shoes and my head. Sometimes it all builds up inside, but I'm doing alright.
Track Name: #OystonOut
These neon lights shine bright with hypocrisy. They illuminate this place to show a suspect legacy. I roll my eyes as the weeks roll on. Our golden chance has come and gone. They're bleeding us dry, we'll be dead before long. It's my club not your business, I don't want to fund your excess. I'd rather listen to the radio than pay for your shit show. Ninety million reasons why you should walk away, you got what you wanted so why torture us and stay? I roll my eyes as the years roll on. Our golden chance has come and gone. You're bleeding us dry, we'll be dead before long. I don't know where we go from here.
Track Name: The Guy With The Shit Fireworks
Woke up late today, some things like that will never change. Last night just slipped away, if I could do it again would I do it the same? Where has my money gone? Am I proud of all of the things that I've done? When should I start acting my age? Instead of acting my hourly wage. My mind and my body feel old as I'm trying to find my way home. But all I've got for company is billboards telling me what I need. How can I forget this bus filled up with nobheads making my ears and eyes bleed. Living for the moment is just the same as hiding but now I've got this girl who makes my future so exciting. My worrying is over, she's stopped my hands from shaking and everything I do is part of our lives in the making. My mind and my body feel old but now I've found my home. When all I had for company was billboards telling me what I need. How could I forget that bus filled up with dickheads making my ears and eyes bleed. My mind and my body may be old, but they've both got you to hold. These limbs have carried me so far but home is where you are.
Track Name: Why Aren't We All Running?
When the day comes what will you do? I want to be there with you and if it's not the end, let's get fucked up and pretend. It's a minute to midnight on Hartshead Pike, hundreds of eyes staring up at the sky. “Is that a plane or is that a firework? Will tomorrow mark the start of the new world? Will the satellites fall to the earth? Will we rebuild our homes from the dirt?” First the darkness and then the explosions, we bide our lifetimes and keep on hoping. Got to stop putting faith in prophecies, and stop wasting all our money on the lotteries. Let's not let our lives slip away as we march towards the end of days. Put down your beer and jump in a plane, let's fuck shit up like Randy Quaid. Hold on, it's coming, so why aren't we all running? Hold on to me, let's numb our senses and drink until we can't see.
Track Name: Plastic Bag Vomit Muzzle
You need to blow it up to make sure there's no splits. I need it right this minute, I've got the oral shits. Never forget your vomit muzzle. I need to rinse my mouth and wipe away these tears. I'm such a broken bastard, aged way beyond my years.
Track Name: For A Few Zlotys More
We set off early in the morning with clear eyes and full hearts but after twenty-four hours, we're already falling apart. We were driving on the 85, I turned around and looked into your eyes, I said “I hate you”. I fucking meant it. Should have said goodbye and walked away last night. We've yet to make any money, relied too much on our friends. I've hated almost every single second but I can't wait to do it again and make amends. Just hear me out while I talk about all those little things we never even bothered to work out like; what we sold, what we're owed and how the highs were met by lows.
Track Name: No More Half Measures
I died when I was twenty-six, just an old dog trying to learn new tricks. Now I stumble around this floor trying to find out what these hands were made for. I've spent sixty-five long days digging my own grave. I wore my heart on my sleeve once, you can still see the bloodstains. Ask no questions, you still get lies. Stop trying to read my eyes in the hope that deep down inside there is something you recognise. Every smile I have is fake, just trying to get myself through the day. Every penny buys a share in my soul, anything to stay off the dole. I've spent everything I've saved forgetting this place. I'll give you all that I have to give until you're left with the bloodstains. We'll stand and shake hands and we'll promise each other that we'll still be friends. But we both know it's not true, because you no longer need me and I don't need you.
Track Name: Ron Swansong
So, this is it. We can't rely on the Aztecs, we have to remove ourselves from our personal hells, forget this life and everyone in it. So, this is it. We can't rely on mathematics, when we add this all up there is so much we've lost, why don't we finally give in and quit. I don't know where we go.